As the title implied . . . things aren’t exactly going too well at home.
I’ve been coming to a lot of realizations lately, and most of them negative. The biggest, and saddest? This: that all my happiest memories have taken place when I’m away from home.
Almost quoting my diary here, it isn’t supposed to be like this. Home is supposed to be my happy place. And yes, I have happy memories at home. But not the best ones.
Let’s just say it: my family is pretty strict. There’s a huge set of rules that must be followed. And for the mostpart, they’re reasonable. Yes, I understand that my parents do seemingly strange things when they want to protect me. I don’t have a problem with obeying them; God says I have to, anyway: “Children, obey your parents in the LORD, for this is right.” I’m not even close to even trying to argue with God. He knows what’s best. But it’s been made pretty clear to me lately, no matter how much my dad denies it: not only the rational things to do, like obeying, but I literally have to be whatever they tell me to be.
Basically . . . I’m not allowed to be my own person.
My dad thinks very differently than I do. Of him and my mom, he has the in-charge type of personality. Don’t get me wrong in this post; I love my dad to death, but he just doesn’t understand me.
But anyway, what I meant, he tells me I’m being selfish if I don’t like to be humiliated. More in general, he thinks I’m weird for liking something he doesn’t like, or disliking something he does like. At home, I’m not even allowed to hang out in my room during my freetime. Further, I’m not allowed to decorate my walls with things I like. And whenever I get in trouble for one reason or another, he doesn’t allow me to explain.
. . .
Another realization, related . . . I now know why I’m such a fangirl.
Because all those worlds of fiction and fantasy comfort me from most of reality. It kinda makes me feel a little wistful. Makes me wish my life was a little more fair. Makes me wish I could have adventures like all the characters do. Maybe this is also why I have a passion for writing.
Guess I should wrap it up about now. Well, I’ll see you next time. *grins half-heartedly* Anansi’s coming out next Monday, so at least I have one reason to be excited.